The Bite #167

Every Slasher a Snowflake, RIP Richard Donner, LORDS OF SALEM on Vinyl, And More

July 08, 2021

In this Issue:

Horror History: Every Slasher a Snowflake
Image of the Week: RIP Richard Donner
Tiny Bites – This Week’s Best Horror Headlines
Things We Love: The Lords Are Coming
Hey, That’s Us! – Shudder in the News

HORROR HISTORY

Every Slasher a Snowflake

The death of a loved one is a difficult time, so it’s no surprise that many people choose to process their loss by orchestrating elaborate murders.

If your girlfriend died while competing in the 100-meter dash, of course you’re going to knock off every single member of her track team with sporting goods (Graduation Day). If your little sister got bullied until she fell out a window, most therapists would agree that the best way to deal with your grief would be to show up at her prom six years later and decapitate as many people as possible (Prom Night).

Some people kill because they’re Deformed Monster Sons (DMS) who can’t be held responsible for their actions.

Have you heard the story of the frog and the scorpion? The scorpion wanted to get to the other side of the lake and asked the frog to carry him. The frog said, “No, because you’ll sting me.” And the scorpion said, “I promise, I won’t.” So the frog carries him across the lake, and halfway there Jason Voorhees rises up out of the water and eats them both. It’s just in a DMS’ nature. If you’re a DMS, you’re going to steal babies (The Hills Have Eyes), murder fortune tellers who give you terrible hand jobs (The Funhouse), and throw teenagers out windows (Hell Night).

You can’t change your nature.

Some people kill because they’re monkeys (Monkey Shines) while others kill because they’re hamadryas baboons (Shakma) and we can’t blame them for that. But then there are those who kill because they’re just too competitive. Some of them really want a part in a movie (Curtains), to become a cheerleader (Cheerleader Camp), or to win the Olympics by competing in the women’s events after changing their gender and then killing a bunch of people (Fatal Games) and I think we need to examine how much emphasis we put on winning in our society.

The worst killers, however, are the ones who blame other people for their problems.

If you were disfigured in a fire set by an insane cult leader, it is not a rational response to wait until years later to start murdering everyone at his daughter’s all-night horror movie marathon (Popcorn). If you broke your leg failing to save a skier thereby ruining your dreams of Olympic glory, it doesn’t mean you’re allowed to invite the dead skier’s friends to a timeshare and run them over very slowly with a snowplow (Iced). And even though Jason Voorhees started out murdering people to avenge the death of his mother, by the time we reach Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan you’ve got to ask if he’s lost his way a little.

No other movie genre inspires this kind of deep reflection the way slashers do, and nothing says summer more than watching a bunch of slasher movies with your friends. So Saturday, July 10, and Saturday, July 17 on Shudder, we’re hosting a slasher-ific philosophical symposium.

Since one of the staples of the genre is the final girl, Ted Geoghegan (We Are Still Here, Mohawk) and I have rounded up an army of horror-loving women to tweet along with two slasher double features of Slumber Party Massacre 1 and 2 (Saturday, July 10 at 8:00 pm EST) as well as Sorority House Massacre and Pledge Night (Saturday, July 17 at 8:00 pm EST).

Our Twitter philosophers include Danishka Esterhazy (currently directing the Slumber Party Massacre remake), directors Jenn Wexler (The Ranger) and Jill Gervargizian (The Stylist), Zena Dixon (co-host of the Bloody Disgusting podcast and producer of Mental Health and Horror: A Documentary), and actress Clarke Wolfe (Satanic Panic).

We’ll all be watching on Shudder TV and tweeting at #StabbySaturdays, so join us in both places for two very special double features full of bad jokes, weird prizes, hot takes, and deep(ish) thoughts.

Grady Hendrix’s new book, The Final Girl Support Group hits bookstores on July 13. You can attempt to comprehend his stunning beauty over at gradyhendrix.com.

IMAGE OF THE WEEK

RIP Richard Donner

We said goodbye this week to iconic filmmaker Richard Donner. To most, he was known as the director of Superman and the Lethal Weapon franchise. To horror fans, he gave us classics like The Omen, several episodes of The Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt, and the beloved The Goonies. He will be missed.

TINY BITES

FEAR STREET, UNTIL DAWN, AND MORE

According to the University of Pittsburgh, George A. Romero was on board to direct a Goosebumps adaptation in the mid-90s.

Speaking of R. L. Stine, the Fear Street author admitted to the BBC that horror gives him the giggles rather than the frights.

The New York Times identified a ton of nostalgic influences on the Fear Street adaptation…

… while Refinery29 laid out all the killer tracks on the soundtrack.

If you’re a Soulcalibur fan you’ll want to dig into this video essay on Voldo to find out more about his Hellraiser-ish origins.

Meanwhile, FANGORIA writes about Until Dawn’s impact on the slasher renaissance…

… and this gamer tried their hand at Silent Hill 2 for the first time and they were not disappointed.

Resident Evil fans can celebrate the game’s 25th anniversary in style with what looks to be an incredible cask strength scotch whisky.

This piece from the New York Times explores False Positive’s accurate representation of the fear and trauma of childbirth.

Volkswagen Australia is approaching their marketing by way of kitschy horror movie posters and we want the whole collection now. The fear of the parallel park job is real.

THINGS WE LOVE

The Lords Are Coming

Waxwork Records released this gorgeous Lords of Salem colored vinyl. It’s loaded with goodies including exclusive liner notes by Rob Zombie, a 16-page booklet full of never before seen set photography from Zombie’s personal archive, and tons more.